


And Baby Makes Three

by Jazznsmoke



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Adopted Peter Parker, Alternate Universe - Deadpool Fusion, Alternate Universe - Spider-Man Fusion, Because Deadpool, Deadpool Thought Boxes, Deadpool being Deadpool, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Irondad, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of May Parker, Mentions of Pepper Potts - Freeform, Mentions of kidnapping, My First Spideypool Fic, Protective Peter Parker, Spideypool Family, Superfamily (Marvel), Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Unaliving, spiderson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22367269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazznsmoke/pseuds/Jazznsmoke
Summary: For once the boxes were silent as Wade gingerly pushed the apartment door open. He kept the bundle wrapped in blankets tightly pressed to his chest, a little terrified of holding too tightly, but infinitely more terrified of dropping it.With a sigh, he shut the door and thought about turning on the over head light. He knew it was late into the night, and worse, that he was late to return home from his last job. Opting against turning on the light, he instead reached up and pulled the Dead Pool mask off.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Spider-Man/Deadpool
Comments: 24
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever foray into Spideypool, so bear with me. I'm hesitant writing the boxes, and well, Deadpool in general. 
> 
> Honestly, writing this I picture Tom Holland's Spidey, and Ryan Reynolds' Deadpool, because those are the actors I'm most familiar with for the roles. Obviously, Peter isn't a teen in this and it's way AU. If you picture someone else as Peter/Spidey, go for it.
> 
> Forever and Always, I love Iron Dad and I can never resist that relationship, so it's here. Sorry not sorry. 
> 
> To avoid spoilers, head to the end notes for more info about any warnings.

Tick.

Tick.

Peter glared at the clock every few seconds, angry with the way it seemed to be mocking him. It felt like time was purposely going slower, the longer he waited.

His eyes drifted shut after a long while of slow blinks.

* * *

For once the boxes were silent as Wade gingerly pushed the apartment door open. He kept the bundle wrapped in blankets tightly pressed to his chest, a little terrified of holding too tightly, but infinitely more terrified of dropping it.

With a sigh, he shut the door and thought about turning on the over head light. He knew it was late into the night, and worse, that he was late to return home from his last job. Opting against turning on the light, he instead reached up and pulled the Dead Pool mask off.

His shoulders slumped with the realization that Peter was already in bed and asleep for the night. He began tiptoeing to the couch. A small whimper escaped from the bundle still cradled tightly to his chest. His eyes widened and he stopped walking, instead bouncing in place, a sense of urgency in the harried motion. The motion only seemed to make things worse, as the whimper turned into a pitiful wail.

Wade hastily shifted the bundle, trying to remember anything he possibly could about little tiny humans.

* * *

Peter bolted upright, startled from sleep by the sounds of a baby crying extremely close by. He was confused, as far as he knew, none of the neighbors on nearby floors had any kids young enough to cry like that. He blinked away the sleep, giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the lighting- just a little bit of moonlight through the curtains- and looked around the room.

Still foggy with sleep, he realized belatedly that Wade stood a few feet away from the end of the couch, bouncing like he desperately needed to pee. Five long seconds go by before he picked up that the sound was coming from Wade. Or, specifically, the bundle of blankets he held in his arms.

Peter’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, as he jumped to his feet, the throw blanket he had been using fell to the floor in a tangled mess. 

“You’re late,” He accused.

Wade shrugged helplessly, and then offered Peter a shaky half smile. “I brought you a present?”

“Wade.” Peter paused. “Tell me that is NOT a baby. Tell me you did NOT kidnap a baby.” He immediately began running his fingers through his already messy brown curls, making it worse as he tugged his fingers through the knots.

“Well, I ain’t lied to you yet, Petey, and I ain’t gonna start now. I didn’t kidnap a baby, but I did sort of unalive his parents? They were the really awful, evil kind of people, and I couldn’t just leave the little guy, right? Shut up, I know. It’s bad either way. No, Spidey wouldn’t leave us. No. Lying wouldn’t be better. Besides, he’s too smart to believe that.”

Peter pulled his hands out of his hair and took the three steps to Wade. He didn’t hesitate to run a hand down Wade’s left arm before taking the bundle of blankets, that _apparently_ , contains a baby, from the older man. His brows raised as Wade immediately stopped bouncing like he needed to pee, the moment he took the baby out of his arms. He quickly unwrapped the baby from the six blankets. He couldn’t resist his eyes rolling as he unwrapped all of the blankets from the child. “That’s a lot to unpack. We’ll come back to that,” He admitted. “Please tell me you at least grabbed any of his belongings, before you took him?”

Wade shook his head, shoulders hunching in.

Peter noticed the way Wade seemed to cave in on himself and immediately began to soothe the other man. “It’s okay, that’s fine. We can work with what we have. Go change out of your suit and we’ll take it from there, okay?”

Wade left the room after nodding his agreement, and Peter turned his attention back to the infant. He turned on the lamp across from the couch and began removing the clothes and soaked diaper, before wrapping the baby boy back into one of the lighter blankets he was originally wrapped in. Peter took his time in rewrapping the baby, using the moments to study him. He was young enough to still have fuzzy blonde hair, and the blue eyes that all babies are born with. He counted fingers and toes, relieved to see that there wasn’t anything obviously wrong with the baby.

As soon as the baby was clean he seemed to be happy and stopped crying. His little hand waved around, until Peter took the little hand and let it wrap around his thumb. He could only assume the baby was about 6 months old, if not younger. He took the baby and went back to the kitchen, pulling a stool away from the kitchen island with his foot and plopped heavily into it. He snagged a pad of paper from the island and a pen to start scribbling a list of baby items they definitely need for a night with a baby, and that they may need. It would have to do until he figured out what the fuck was going on.

Wade re-entered the room just as he finished writing.

The cries that had stopped only five minutes before began again with a renewed vigor.

“Do you know his name?” Peter asked, quietly.

“Mhm. It’s Connor.”

“Connor. Right, hi there, bud.” Peter whispered to the baby. He stood up and walked over to Wade and pressed a kiss to Wade’s cheek. The tension in Wade’s body immediately loosened. “I need you to go to the store and get things for him, okay? I have a list and I was as specific as I could be. Get what you think is right and I’ll stay here with him.” Peter realized that he was talking in soft, soothing tones, a habit that he had developed when it was obvious to him that Wade wasn’t having a great mental health day. The arguing with himself, (the boxes in his head) that it wasn’t a good day for the other man.

Peter shook his head in fond annoyance, as Wade left without a word.

* * *

Wade hopped into Peter’s old, piece of shit car and drove himself to the nearest retail store, Target. He entered the building, ensuring the hood of his soft, fuzzy hoodie, covered up most of his face.

<Oh boy. Petey’s mad. You really fucked up this time, didn’t you?> Yellow gloated.

{You have no idea what you’re doing, do you? You wing it twenty four seven.}

Wade didn’t respond to the boxes, instead, he chose to wander Target until he found the designated baby section. The baby section was _huge_. He immediately turned back around and went back to the front of the store to find a shopping cart. He pulled the crumpled list from his pocket and stared at it. **Bottles. Nipples. 6mo clothes. Formula. Diapers.**

The list kept going. He looked around desperately at all of the items on the shelves. His eyes glazed over and sheer panic started to set in. He started to reach into his pocket to pull his phone out and call Peter to beg for some kind of clue, because what the actual fuck? How does one little _tiny_ human baby need so many things? His fingers closed around the phone. A woman walked over to him with tired almost blood shot eyes and a smile, asking if he needed help. His glanced down at her shirt looking for the Target name tag. When he couldn’t find a name tag he nodded and admitted his defeat.

“Please. I don’t know nothin’ about all of this,” He waved a gloved hand towards all of the baby items.

The woman noticed the list in his clenched hand, “May I?”

He quickly handed it over, acting like the list was going to burn him.

She smiled again as she started to read over the list. “I’ll help you. I’m Jane.”

His voice came out gravelly, “Wade. Thanks. We have a, uh, surprise guest and want to be prepared.” His hand came up and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“That’s fun. Is it a boy or girl?”

“Boy, his name’s Connor,”

“Six months old?”

He shrugged. “I think so?”

She nodded and began to deftly throw items into his cart, explaining each item as it got tossed in.

* * *

Peter rocked the infant in his arms as he reached for his phone. He dialed one handed and pressed the phone to his ear, holding it in place with his shoulder. It rang twice before the line picked up.

“Hey, underoos. Everything alright?”

“Hey, dad. Why do you always assume something is wrong?”

Peter could picture the way Tony’s eyes crinkled in amusement as Tony huffed a laugh through the line. “Because you don’t call at three am unless you’re hurt.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize the time. My bad.”

“What’s up, underoos?” Tony redirected Peter back to the reason he was calling at three am.

“I think I may need your lawyers? And maybe some items?”

A lot of rustling could be heard over the line. “Why don’t you start from the beginning, bud?”

“Ihaveababyandit’snotmine?” Peter rushed to say.

Tony, thankfully, had years of practice deciphering Peter speak. “I’m going to skip asking why, and go straight to, are you at home?”

“Yeah,” Peter had half a second to be confused before he heard the unmistakable sounds of the Iron Man thrusters. “Wait, you don’t have to come over!”

“No, I really think I do. This seems like a story that should be told in person.”

“Fair,” Peter sighed, defeated.

It took Iron Man 3 minutes and 25 seconds to arrive. Peter counted. Peter had the balcony door open and ready for him to land before Iron Man was within 3 blocks of his apartment. Tony Stark stepped from his suit in one fluid motion as the suit touched down.

Peter chose to keep his mouth shut as Tony stepped in. He watched his adoptive father take in the scene, head tilted down, through his eyelashes.

“There really is a baby. Put your Bambi eyes away, kid.” Tony broke the silence.

“Yeah.”

“More explanations need to happen.” Tony scowled.

“I don’t really know much? Wade brought him home after he unalived his parents? And his name is Connor?”

Tony’s eyes narrowed and he ignored the way Peter phrased everything as a question. That was a coping mechanism for another day. “And where is Wade?”

“I sent him to the store for baby stuff.”

“Okay. Okay. Lawyers are definitely needed. I should probably call Pepper, otherwise she’s going to kill me and think I brought home another kid.” He smiled fondly at Peter.

“Please don’t say anything to Aunt May.” Peter pleaded.

“Yeah, I’m definitely not telling her anything about this. I’ll leave that one to you.”

He nodded weakly. “Wade should be back soon. I wasn’t really ready to discuss anything with him. I figured getting him,” he motioned to the baby in his arms, “stuff was more important and calling you.”

* * *

Wade walked into the apartment carrying at least eight grocery bags, a giant box of diapers and a box containing a collapsible, portable crib. He nearly dropped everything when his eyes landed on Tony sitting on the couch next to Peter and the baby.

“Stark,” He nodded once in greeting before going to the island and sorting items out of the bags. Who was he to question why Tony Stark, his boyfriends adoptive father, was sitting on his couch at whatever time it was. Weirder things happened all the time in his life.

“Wilson,” Tony replied.

“Wade,” Peter’s tone held a pleading quality to it. His way of not so subtly asking for him to play nice. “We need to figure out what to do.”

Wade clenched his jaw, but nodded.

“Babe?” Peter waited for Wade’s attention to be on him. “What happened?”

“The file wasn’t complete.” Wade hissed, “It looked like it was. I didn’t know the baby was even there until I already unalived the parents. I couldn’t just leave him there, could I?” He honestly expected for Peter to tell him that he, in fact, should have left the baby there.

“You’re right, you couldn’t just leave him there. You did a great job taking care of him. Now we have to figure out what to do with him.” Peter calmly replied.

“We could just keep him, You wanted kids,” Wade shrugged, like it was a no brainer.

“Yeah, I know, I know. Petey’s given up a lot to be with me, you ass, I haven’t forgotten.” Wade hissed in response to the boxes.

A part of Wade’s brain that wasn’t focused on arguing with Yellow, noticed Peter standing up from the couch and handing the baby to Tony. He heard Peter tell his father, “He’s not wearing a diaper, sorry.” And then he was standing in front of Wade, and reaching up to grasp Wade’s face in his hands. Wade automatically leaned into the touch and focused back on Peter. “I’d give up everything to be with you.”

Wade’s eyes widened, realizing his argument with Yellow was out loud, once again. Peter’s quiet confession scared the daylights out of him.

{Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him!} White directed.

Without any hesitation, the Merc with a Mouth followed White’s suggestion (demand).

Tony loudly cleared his throat. “I hate to break up this love fest, actually, I don’t, but can we get a diaper over here?”

They both turned to look at Tony, who was squirming in discomfort.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, everyone. Thank you so much for the kind words on the first chapter! The response I received was incredible!  
> Special thanks to Texasbelle91 and my uncle for going around and around with me on ideas for this story, double checking and reading the over the chapter. I wouldn't have gotten this finished as quickly if it weren't for them.

Peter rifled through the items Wade brought home and successfully pulled loose a diaper and a pair of pajamas, he chuckled as he tossed the Avengers themed pajamas to Tony.

Tony stared at Peter, blinking owlishly, at the diaper now in his hands. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

“You’re literally a genius, dad. I think you can figure it out.” He rolled his eyes. “I’ll be making the little guy a bottle.” He turned away as Tony made noises (sputtering) of outrage, ignoring it completely.

Tony muttered under his breath, grumbling.

Peter smirked, “What was that, dad?”

“AS YOU WISH, SMARTASS KING PETER.” Tony shouted, standing up to bow down. Tony wore his signature smirk, and then knelt down on the floor.

“THE PRINCESS BRIDE. EXCELLENT REFERENCE. 10 POINTS TO RAVENCLAW!” Wade exclaimed.

Peter cackled helplessly at their antics. He couldn’t even bring himself to be frustrated that the baby woke up and was babbling right along with them. He leaned over, grabbing onto his knees to stabilize himself as he continued to laugh. He heaved in giant breaths of air, feeling his sides ache with the force of his laughter.

He pulled Wade along to the sink and turned back around to grab what he needed, adding, “You’re learning how to do this.”

The older man nodded, watching attentively as Peter showed him what to do. It surprised Peter, honestly, how eager Wade seemed to be to learn, and to help.

“So, can I use your lawyers?” Peter called over his shoulder.

Tony’s response came quickly. “Yup. What’s the plan here? Social Services will be a nightmare.”

“Let’s call the lawyers first. Maybe we can take care of him until he has a new home. I am a licensed foster parent.” When Peter was met with silence, he turned to look at Wade and Tony, who wore matching expressions of disbelief. He rolled his eyes. “I have been for a while, actually.”

* * *

Wade half listened to the conference call Tony set up with his lawyers, keeping himself busy in the kitchen, making tacos and putting various baby items away in different cabinets. He wandered to the couch every now and again to play with Peter’s hair, look at the baby, and leave a platter over flowing with tacos. He kept up a running commentary, talking back and forth with the boxes.

“Wade. Hello, Wade!” Peter’s voice cut through his tangled thoughts. Once Wade turned his attention towards Peter, he began talking. “The baby is staying for now. Dad’s lawyers are working on things.”

“Oh, cool,” Wade smiled, “Thanks, Stark.”

Tony rolled his eyes as he stood from the couch. “Yeah. I’ll have FRIDAY send over anything you’ll need, including a car for the time being.” Tony turned to look at Peter, staring fiercely. Wade flinched, regardless that the glare wasn’t aimed towards him. “Don’t argue, Underoos. Your car is a deathtrap. I expect you and the baby at the Tower tomorrow.” He glanced down at the baby and shuddered slightly.

Wade smirked, amused by Tony’s obvious discomfort around the infant.

* * *

Peter wanted to argue with his adoptive father, but his jaw audibly shut with a click, as he realized that without a doubt, his car is not safe for a baby. If he were really being honest with himself, he would admit that the car probably wasn’t even safe for him, an adult, sometimes Avenger, and Spider-Man. His shoulders slouched, and he nodded glumly.

He rolled his eyes good naturedly as Tony ruffled his hair before going to his Iron Man suit and leaving. “He’s so extra,” He groaned, smiling when he heard Wade honest-to-god giggle behind him. “We better go to bed before this guy wakes up. If I’m right about how old he is, then he won’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a time.”

Connor tucked to his chest, even as Wade shut the balcony and turned off almost all of the lights, leaving just the lamp on the coffee table.

He watched Wade with half lidded eyes, as the man stood before him.

“Want me to take him?” Wade questioned.

Peter nodded his agreement and slowly reached out to hand Connor to Wade. He stood slowly, stretching his muscles. “I’ll be up in a minute,”

Wade leaned over and pressed a kiss to Peter’s temple, a hum of agreement leaving his lips.

* * *

The Merc with a Mouth woke up for the fifth time since he had gone to bed, to the sounds of the baby whimpering inside the portable crib. He held his breath, hoping that if he didn’t make any noise Connor would fall back to sleep. After a few seconds it was obvious that wouldn’t happen. He slowly sat up, reaching for the baby, eyes half shut. He pulled the baby close to his chest, rocking slightly, as he forced his eyes to open fully. He was grateful after the first time they had been woken up, that they had left the bedroom door cracked open and the hall light left on. He looked down at Connor’s face, wondering what could be wrong with him now.

He checked his diaper, happily noting it wasn’t wet yet, and assumed the kid had to be hungry, again.

<;Look at you, actually being a useful member of society for once.>

“Yeah, yeah. I hear ya, Yellow.” He mumbled, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible to not wake Peter. He stood from the bed and grabbed a clean bottle, making his way to their bathroom, baby cradled in one arm. He quickly filled the bottle with water and then paused, scrunching his face in confusion as he tried to remember how many scoops he was supposed to add.

{1 scoop for every 2 ounces of water. It’s not rocket science, moron.}

“Are ya sure?” Wade asked, not really sure he wanted to believe the box.

{Yes}

Both boxes sounded exasperated.

“I can’t help but be skeptical.”

“Yes.” He blinked at himself in the mirror. His scowl turned into a smile as he took in the sight of himself holding the baby. The baby stared at him, little fingers reaching towards him. He quickly grabbed the container of formula and read the directions, sighing as he realized the boxes were correct. He disregarded the cheering that went on in his head as they both celebrated their ‘told you so’ moment.

He finished making the bottle, shaking it dutifully as he went back to the bed, climbing in. He yawned, loudly, and frowned as Peter stirred. Peter’s movements stilled, and Wade quickly situated himself to be comfy on the bed, sitting cross legged. The baby made quick work of the bottle, draining the four ounces in astounding time, and cooed contentedly even as Wade shifted the little guy, propping him so his head was on Wade’s shoulder. He gently patted Connor’s back, chuckling when he burped loudly, almost impressed by the little guy.

* * *

Peter woke up to the sun in his eyeballs and happy cooing next to him. He rolled onto his side taking in the sight of Wade fast asleep, baby tucked securely against his chest, an empty bottle tossed above the two on one of their pillows. He laid there, watching the two, and felt his chest fill with warmth.

Peter leaned over, smiling directly over Connor, and watched as the infant smiled back, cooing even louder. “Heya, buddy. You’re so happy,” He murmured and pressed his face against the fuzzy blonde hair, and inhaled deeply. “Good morning, little guy. Let’s go before we wake up Wade, huh?” He reached over and started to pick up the baby. Wade’s arms clenched, holding on tight, and Peter stared in astonishment as Wade’s eyes pop wide open.

“It’s okay, babe. It’s just me,” Peter soothed.

Wade’s grip immediately relaxed and he let go of Connor. “Thought he was fallin’,” He slurred.

“It’s okay,” Peter repeated, “Go back to sleep, I’ve got him.”

The brunette chuckled as Wade’s eyes closed immediately, and he began snoring. He picked the baby up, and carried him out to the living room. “Alright, let’s get you in a clean diaper, fed, and then I’ll make some food for us big people. It’s gonna be a long day, you know that?” He realized that his voice softened dramatically, as he spoke to Connor.

He hummed as he set about the tasks of changing Connor’s diaper, outfit (This one with Captain America on the shirt), and making him a bottle.

Once Connor was fed and burped, he came to the realization that he had nowhere to set him down, to make himself breakfast. He groaned. “What am I supposed to do now, huh, bud?” He watched Connor smile at him, again. He briefly debated webbing the baby to himself, then decided against it. The idea of being over the stove, baby strapped to his chest wasn’t favorable. Different scary, hospital inducing scenarios played through his head.

“Let’s try this, alright.” Peter laid a blanket out on the floor and put Connor on his back, in the center of it. Then he grabbed the throw pillows off the couch and placed them around the edges of the blanket, and then the cushions from the couch. “Be good, I’ll be right back. Just gonna make some breakfast.”

* * *

Wade awoke to the smell of pancakes permeating the apartment. He sat up slowly, arching his back and popping it as he brought himself to his feet. “Ugh.” He made his way to the living room, and stopped short as he noticed Connor barricaded on the blanket with every cushion and pillow in the room, and Peter sitting next to him. He took a second to watch the two, enjoying the sight. “Did ya make some for me?” He asked, hopefully.

“Yup, a batch just for you, with chocolate chips.”

“Aw, baby boy, you do love me.”

Peter turned to look at him, just to roll his eyes. “Is that all it takes to show you how much I love you, you big goof?”

“Nah, you show me in plenty of ways,” Wade disagreed, happily.

“Go get some food and join us,” Peter prompted.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Imma going.”

Fully dished up with a plate heaping with pancakes, he made his way over to his boyfriend and Connor, plopping down heavily next to Peter across from Connor. “How long ya been awake, Petey?”

Peter shrugged, “An hour? I dunno, I didn’t check the time.”

Wade nodded, thoughtfully.

“Are you okay with him for a moment? I need to check my phone.”

Wade motioned with the hand not holding his food, to go ahead, his mouth full with a heaping bite of pancakes. Peter jumped up, and left the room, returning a few moments later with his phone.

“FRIDAY says the baby items will be here in the next hour or so, and Happy is bringing the car. Are you going with us to the Tower?”

“As much fun as that sounds, no, I’ve got some work to do,” Wade announced as he stood up.

Peter nodded, a frown forming. “About Connor’s parents?”

Wade hated whenever Peter frowned. He grabbed a hold of Peter’s hand, pulling the younger man up from the floor and against his chest. He wrapped both of his arms around Peter’s waist, and leaned down, pressing his lips to Peter’s forehead.

* * *

Peter knew Happy would arrive soon, but he hadn’t quite counted on the man arriving as soon as he did. Especially considering that FRIDAY had left a text on his phone saying Happy’s ETA wasn’t for another ten to fifteen minutes. The knock on the door startled Peter and he rushed to open it.

He couldn’t help the flashbacks to his teenage years and how impatient Happy would be if he had to wait for Peter, even if it were only one or two minutes. He supposed it had a lot to do with how often the man had had to wait for Tony over the years.

In his haste to open the door he used more strength than necessary, slamming it against the wall. Dry wall rained down and Connor immediately started crying from the bedroom. He groaned, frustrated with himself. He quickly let go of the door, as if it had burned him, and faced Happy with a grimace.

Happy barely contained his snort of amusement. “Hey, kid.”

“Hey, Happy,” Peter replied, he turned his head towards the bedroom, watched Wade poke his head from the bedroom, shake his head, and go back inside.

“Got some things brought up already, but there’s more in the car, you want to grab this?” Happy announced, motioning towards a large box and several bags sitting on the floor in the hallway.

“Sure,” He readily agreed, stooping low to pick up the large box. Happy returned to the elevator while Peter brought in the box, and bags.

“This is everything,” Happy grumbled, dropping another dozen bags with an eye roll. “I think Tony and FRIDAY went overboard.”

Peter chuckled. “Probably, but babies do need a lot.”

“Well, kid, if we want to get to the Tower on time, and avoid Tony’s crap, we better get that car seat put together and head out.”

Peter sat down on the carpeted floor, pulling the giant box towards him, and quickly opened it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you all liked this chapter. Drop me a comment and I'd love to talk about it with you! 
> 
> Texasbelle91 and I have been coming up with a BUNCH of plot bunnies for this fic, and honestly? We're going to end up with at least a couple different side stories to go with this. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading, see ya next time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you so much to everyone who read and left kudos and comments on the first two chapters! I feel so blessed. The comments and kudos give me life! Thank you so much to EVERYONE who helped me out with this chapter. Several people sat there and tossed ideas back and forth, several people did some editing and helped rework paragraphs that went haywire. It means a lot. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you everyone for reading, and for those who helped with this! Enjoy!!

Wade, wearing his full Deadpool uniform, left the bedroom in time to see Peter throw an obscenely large instruction booklet on the floor in front of him. He threw himself backward onto the floor with his hands covering his face. “Seriously! How hard can this be?”

Wade catapulted over the couch- ignoring Happy sitting on it- to stand next to Peter’s prone body. “Make way baby boy for the one and only Wade Wilson! Merc with a Mouth: Antihero! Here to save the day and put together a car seat!”

Peter pried his hands from his face long enough to roll his eyes, “Be my guest. See if you get anywhere.”

The merc kicked at Peter’s leg, encouraging the other man to move out of his way. Peter rolled his entire body and wiggled like a worm until he was facing Wade and the car seat; Ready to watch the older man's attempt.

Happy watched impassively from the couch shaking his head at Deadpool's antics. He kept glancing down at the watch on his wrist. “Kid, we have to get going.”

“I know, but—” Peter was cut off by Wade growling his exasperation. "I can’t go anywhere.” He opened his arms to encompass the mess in front of him and Wade.

“Relax, Forehead of Security, I almost got it,” Wade grunted as he attempted to fit the car seat into its base. The pieces clunked together obnoxiously but did not go into place. Wade stood and in one quick motion pulled both katanas off his back holding them menacingly towards the car seat.

“Wade! No! I NEED the car seat!” Peter shouted as he jumped to his feet. 

Deadpool hesitated before slowly placing his katanas back in their sheaths, his shoulders relaxed, and his head hung slightly lower.

Happy stood and stepped around the other two men, annoyance clear in every line of his body. “Get Jr ready, kid. I’ll deal with the car seat.” As one Peter and Wade swiveled, eyes glued to Happy as he gracefully squatted in front of the mostly put-together seat. A couple of excruciating moments later, Happy had the seat finished and secured in its base.

Peter’s eyes widened with his astonishment. Wade’s gloved hand came up and repeatedly patted at Peter’s arm, each pat getting more and more forceful than the last. Without turning to look Peter grabbed ahold of Wade’s hand and gripped it tightly within his own, and asked, “How in the world did you do that?”

“Wait! Wait!” Wade’s voice came out strangled. “You _knew_ this _entire_ time!”

* * *

The Merc with a Mouth waited exactly fifteen minutes after Happy and Peter left with Connor before he had pulled a burner phone from one of the many pockets in his utility belts. He pressed call on the only number in the contacts list.

The line rang three times before it was picked up.

“Weasel here.”

“What the fuck, Weas! Is this how you run St Margaret’s, now? Givin’ the Merc incomplete files!” Wade’s voice cut through the air with a venomous fury.

“Are you saying your mark wasn’t complete?”

“No, asshole, it’s complete, but the file wasn’t. Now I’m stuck with some kid.”

“Uh,” Weasel seemed to be at a loss for words.

“I’m on my way.” Wade hung up the phone without giving Weasel the chance to respond. He pressed a button hidden on his belt, and vanished, instantly reappearing inside St Margaret’s School for Wayward Children, directly behind Weasel.

Wade leaned against the counter holding the multitudes of liquor, watching Weasel pour and mix a fruity cocktail. His eyebrow rose, under his mask as he and the massive biker sitting at the bar made eye contact. He watched with amusement as the man blushed and ducked his head down.

Deadpool crossed his arms as he waited for Weasel to turn around and replace the bottles of liquor. As Weasel turned, he immediately jumped, releasing a decidedly not manly squeak- he would deny that happened until the day he died. - He dropped both bottles in his hands and they crashed to the floor. They shattered as they hit and spread glass all over the area. 

Weasel quickly schooled his expression into one of annoyance, glaring inefficiently at Deadpool. Deadpool snickered and leaned over bracing his hands on his knees. 

<Do it again, DO IT AGAIN!>

{Do it for the viiiiine,}

Wade forced himself to reply to the boxes in his head, as opposed to out loud. **I’m not doing it again. Serious business and all that.**

<LIES. Do it again. It will be funny.>

**Fine! Just shuddup, would ya? I wanna get this figured out before I start forgetting important bits and bobs.**

{You mean bits and pieces?}

 **Sure, that. C’mon.** Deadpool pulled his hand from his knee and pressed the button on his teleporter again to pop up directly behind Weasel. The teleportation was near instantaneous, so Weasel didn’t have a chance to see him move.

Deadpool stood behind Weasel and tapped him on the shoulder. As Weasel jumped and turned around, Deadpool pressed the button again, and was again behind Weasel.

Deadpool did this three more times before Weasel started catching on.

The massive biker, still seated at the bar, chuckle snorted. The Merc with a Mouth fell to his knees, amid the broken glass and laughed until he felt tears running down his face beneath the mask.

“Are you done?” Weasel growled.

“Nope,” Deadpool barely got the word out around his laughter.

“That’s it, give me back the teleporter. You don’t deserve it.”

The laughter quickly died away at Weasel’s threat. “Nope. You aren’t getting it back. Nope, nope, nope."

“Go upstairs.” Weasel instructed.

With a bounce, Wade was back on his feet. He bowed low to Weasel, turned to wink at the biker still bowed, and once again used the teleporter to move himself upstairs into Weasel’s apartment. He landed directly in the corner of the worn-out couch in the center of Weasel’s living room.

* * *

Peter felt his stress levels rising as he stood in the elevator with Happy and Connor. Happy continuously checked his watch despite not waiting more than a few seconds between each look. With FRIDAY at the controls for the elevator, the ride never took long. He felt the urge to snap the watch off Happy’s wrist and stomp it into bits and pieces, the next time Happy looked at it.

“Tony will understand,” He settled on saying, forcing himself not to sound as cranky as he felt.

“Time is money,” Happy grumbled.

Peter forced himself not to roll his eyes. Finally, the elevator slowed, and the doors popped open. Peter readjusted his grip on the car seat handle and stepped out, making his way to the glass doors of Tony’s private lab. Through the doors he could hear the loud rock music playing. “FRIDAY, can you lower the volume in there?”

The volume turned down as FRIDAY opened the doors to the lab. Tony popped up from behind a desk and looking straight at one of FRIDAY’s cameras, said, “What the hell! Turn my music back up!”

“That would be unwise, Boss.”

“And why is that?” Tony put his hands on his hips and cocked his head to the side.

Peter watched the interaction between Tony and his AI in amusement.

“Because it would be detrimental to an infant’s hearing without ear protection.”

“Why…oh.” Tony turned around.

Peter waved and walked further into the lab, stopping to stand next to the older man. “Sorry we’re late.”

“You were late?”

“Well, if you asked Happy, we’re super late. If you ask me, it’s only like an hour late, give or take.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Did he give you the ‘time is money’ speech?”

“Yup, he did. And checked his watch every couple of seconds.”

“You would think he was the CEO of a company.” Tony rolled his eyes.

“I’m standing right here,” Happy grumbled.

“What made you late and put Happy in a mood?” Tony asked.

“Car seat.” Peter sullenly answered and lifted the seat up slightly in the air, as if that explained everything.

Tony ruffled Peter’s hair, “You know, kid, I thought we were passed the teenaged monosyllabic answers, what with you being a full-fledged adult now.”

“It’s been a stressful day,” He admitted, “the car seat was a nightmare.”

“It’s a car seat. How could it possibly have been a nightmare?”

Peter quickly recounted the woes of putting together a car seat, ending his long tale by exclaiming, “Then, Happy just swooped in and put it together in 3 seconds, flat!”

“It can’t have been that hard, especially if Happy can figure it out.”

“Yeah, not that hard. I bet you can’t do any better.”

“I bet I can do it in a third of the time.”

* * *

Peter leaned against one of the many tables in the lab with Connor in his arms. “So, you told Pepper, right?”

Tony lifted his head from the file open on a Stark Tablet. “Duh, Underoos.”

“So, what’s up?”

“What’s up is that I’ve spent more time talking to my lawyers than I ever have before.”

“I mean, you usually have Pepper deal with them, but go off.”

“LIES!” Tony protested.

He rolled his eyes completely ignoring Tony’s antics and prompted his dad to get on with it.

“They’ve notified DCS and have managed to keep incriminating information limited. All that anyone needs to know is that the baby is safe and in capable hands. There will be home visits from DCS, and potential meetings with adoptive parents. In the meantime, I have NDA’s written up and a lawyer on standby 24/7 for now. Am I forgetting anything, FRIDAY?”

FRIDAY replied quickly, “Yes, the child is to be seen by a pediatrician in the next day or two, for a full work up. I have compiled a list of all pediatricians in this area and found the top 3 based on criteria I find pertinent.”

“Okay, wow. That’s a lot of information.” Peter shifted Connor in his arms, staring into the baby’s eyes, and tried to form his thoughts into some semblance of organized. “So, can we meet the Pediatrician here?” He directed the question to Tony but wasn’t all that surprised when FRIDAY spoke before he could.

“Yes, Peter. Miss Pott’s informed me that once a Pediatrician has been selected to set up the appointment here at the Tower and she will accompany you. She has also requested to meet your charge before then, and expects a call from you, Peter.”

“A-absolutely, FRIDAY. Will you tell her I’ll call her this evening? And can you and Karen coordinate the appointment? I trust you to find the best pediatrician and set everything up.” He paused and then hastily tacked on, “Please.”

“Of course, Peter, it will be my pleasure.”

Peter’s adopted father groaned. “Why? Why don’t you ever sass the kid? It’s all, ‘of course, Peter,’ and ‘anything for you, Peter,’”

“Jealousy is not a good color on you, Dad.” Peter laughed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am working on a one-shot series that will go with this story. Keep an eye out for those. However, I'll write them and post them as I have time to write them. Thanks everyone for reading! Hope you liked this chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of "unaliving,"- it is Deadpool.  
> Mentions of kidnapping, but, not like actual kidnapping?  
> Swearing, because, again, it's Deadpool and Peter is a little shit and an adult.  
> There is mentions of mental illness, but I'm really not trying to focus on that too much in this fic, so I'll be glossing over that as much as possible.


End file.
